It all began in a Library
by troubz4ever
Summary: I saw his face amidst all those dusty books and knew he was the one for me with his green eyes framed with long eyelashes, pale pink plump lips shaped in a lustrous smirk and masculine body. Until he opened his mouth and then tried to kiss me.
1. Prologue

**A/N **

**I want to say hello to all of you that are reading this story right now the new and the old. As some of you may know this story has already been posted but I hope you like this version which as you can see is a lot different.**

**** This story will contain a few scenes of violence and sex as you can see from the rating so be warned. **

**I really hope you all enjoy this story, please review at the bottom.**

My darling child, I don't know what life is like in the future, I don't know the life I will _lead_ in the future but I know that I love you. I will always love you just like your father will; nothing will ever change this fact.

There may be many things that we will come across together as a family in the future - _problems_ that we may come across, but as a family we will cross these obstacles.

There are _so_ many things that I wish to tell you, so many things about my life, the bleak times where I was afraid for my life, for _our_ lives, and there are happier times, like the first time I saw your father, the first time I held you in my arms and the moment I said 'I do'. God, I could go on forever, looking at your sleeping face there beside me just three months old. You are so beautiful and so innocent, a beacon of hope in my life.

I don't know when I'll give you this letter, or even _if_ I'll give you this letter. You're just so innocent and pure; I couldn't bear to ruin your life or your opinion of your father and me. I look at your face right now and see an endless cavern of possibility for our future and it's beautiful. God, it's beautiful. If I ever lost the hope and joy that you bring me in life I don't know how I would get up in the morning, or how I would survive.

What would be worth living for without joy and hope? A life wouldn't be a life without those to things; you would no longer be living, merely surviving.

I can remember a time, before I met your Father, when my life was empty and unfulfilled. Even just a year ago, there was so little hope, so little joy in my life.

This was a time when I coasted along, surviving for my father only.

I am not saying I was depressed or suicidal, I just felt as if I didn't belong in the world but I still had my father, Jasper, Rosalie and Angela, they helped me to live. They gave me a reason to live, a reason to be in this world, without them I doubt I would have survived long enough to meet your father and for that I will be eternally grateful to them. I love your father so much, the wedding last week is something I will remember forever and I will tease you mercilessly for years to come about not wanting to be out of your father's arms during the ceremony.

Saying 'I do' to the man I love is a moment I shall never forget; I shall remember it for the rest of my life.

I shall _treasure_ it for the rest of my life. How could anyone forget a moment like that?

That day I finally became complete - whole as if the entire world had been created for us, had planned every detail so intricately so that at that very moment I would become his wife. Nothing will ever compare to that moment, the moment where I went from plain Bella Swan to Bella Masen - the most loved woman on Earth, the wife of Edward Masen and mother of the most beautiful child on Earth - you.

Nothing at all!

I love your father so much and nothing shall ever change this fact, seeing his face at the end of that aisle with you in his arms, gosh, words cannot explain enough how content I felt. For the first time in my life I felt Almighty, like nothing could touch me, no one could harm me. It was for a few moments, a few seconds but during those long and lazy minutes I was even more powerful than God and it felt good.

He is the most imperfect, perfect man in the word, yet I love him so much.

Those girls that bullied me and I said that the man I would marry would be an ugly toad; well, I wish I could see the look on their faces when they saw your dad and that he was mine.

I am sure this is the way Alice and Jasper felt when they gazed their eyes upon each other and later on got together. It took so long for them to get together but they did it in the end, I was afraid for your uncle for a long time when he said he met a girl but she had left him. I admire your Aunty Alice's courage along with your Uncles, they knew they were meant to be together and they fought for their love, nothing could tear them apart after they declared themselves to be in a relationship.

Your aunts and uncles love you so much and you can probably guess now even though you are still just a baby, with how much they show it in their different versions of affection. It can't possibly be hard to tell with Alice constantly buying you clothing, Rosalie taking you out to the park, Jasper reading you books and Emmett throwing you up in the air and telling what sort of mischief you two will be getting up to in the future.

I am so glad Rosalie is happy now; it took a worrying amount of time for her and Emmett to get their heads together and become more than special friends.

It was the same for Alice and Jasper at first; did you know that they met when she was teaching a class at his college in Seattle? They got into such a huge fight that day over such a silly thing, yet look at them now. The love they emit for each other is something even a blind person would be able to see and goes to show that know matter how your story begins there will be a way to make it right. They are living proof that true love is out there for everyone even your first impressions of each other are bad.

There is so much love for you in this family and everyone constantly wants to hold you, meaning you are always in someone's arms even when you are sleeping.

There's something that I have to tell you my darling child, it's about the job you're father does, or maybe did by the time your reading this. I don't know.

I do know however, that you probably won't believe me but your father and our family on the Cullen side are all part of the mafia. I don't know how old you are reading this letter but you have to believe me no matter how crazy this sounds. Yes, I know that it must be hard for you take in but you have to understand, I have to make sure that you know and that you heard it from the right person.

I don't want you to grow up oblivious to your father's profession, you should know. I don't have the right to keep it from you, know one does that is the reason I am telling you. No one should be able to catch you off guard and make a fool out of you; I refuse to give anyone the chance. I know that it is scary and I know that it is scary, and as soon as I knew I was pregnant with you, I dreaded telling you this news.

What child should have to know that there father has killed before, even if it is justified? I am so sorry for putting this burden on your shoulders but if the police interrogated you and you had to sit there obliviously and listen to what crimes they believe your father has committed I would not be able to forgive myself.

I don't know if you will choose to play a part in the family business at some point in the future, but no matter what decision you make your father and I will always love you.

Always!

We will stick by you through everything no matter what choices in life you make. We have learnt in our lives that people should be allowed to make their own choices in life so they can find their own happiness by themselves so that it belongs to them and they are truly happy. This is what I want for you and what your father wants too, for you to be fulfilled and satisfied in the knowledge that you had made it that way and no one else.

You may fall down sometimes or even feel like you have come to a standstill, during your lifetime and your father and I will help you, but you should know now that you will have to help yourself to make your life your own.

Your sleeping face beside me tells me that you are destined for great things and I know that you will achieve them; I will give you the best life I possibly can. I know that you will be trained in combat and self-defence; I will make sure of it, because I don't want any chance of what happened to me to happen to you. I love you too much for that, I couldn't bear losing you. You are my life now, as soon as I knew you were coming I knew that you would become the most important thing in my world.

If you do choose to take your place as rightful heir to the title 'Protector of the Masen Mafia', I want you to know the things that come with it, the danger of it all. You will never have the same life again; you will always be shielding yourself from the government and will rarely get close to someone _normal_, someone outside the mafia.

You will have to build a wall around your heart in fear that anyone who gets in it will be killed and you would fall into despair. It is a serious and risky job; one wrong move could leave you dead at the drop of a hat _if_ your enemies are merciful, and if they are not, it could mean watching those you love murdered one by one after being tortured and on the brink of death for hours.

I am not telling you this to scare you from the role but you have to know these things, its not just fun and games or gallivanting around killing people you hate or that have done bad to you.

Taking on this role would mean that you would have to watch your back for the rest of your life and every step of the way second guess your friends and family and wonder who will be the one to betray you. Then they would have to become the person you put at the end of your gun barrel, and no matter how much you love them you would have to pull the trigger. This could happen to anyone no matter who they are, whether they are your lover, best friend or child, at the first sign of betrayal you would have to kill them.

There are a few things that I don't want to tell you about the worst time of my life but I fear I have to and I want you to brace yourself, turn your heart into stone and barricade it with walls so that you don't feel my pain.

I wouldn't tell you this if I felt I had a choice, I would never risk your innocence in this way but it is the only way to guarantee part of your safety. And even if it is just a thread, a single thread of safety, I would do it in a heartbeat no matter how much pain it would cause me.

That is how much I love you.

I never want to relive this time of my life; I didn't want to remember it but every night it came back to torture me. Every night in my dreams I was forced to relive every moment of my torture and nightmare for weeks after it happened.

They said the therapy would help me and in the end it did. I forced myself through every session therapy with your grandfather Carlisle and although Edward, your father was in a few sessions, he never stayed the whole time. He could never see me break down and relive my pain, it tortured him as much as it tortured and he would end up blaming himself.

I would always have to open myself up completely and tell the story over and over and over again until I could finally bear it. I had to keep doing it for myself but most importantly for you.

I don't want you to live in a world where I, your mother, constantly jump at small sounds and break down when little things remind me of this tragic chapter of my life.

I still have the occasional nightmare of _his_ face staring down at me in that dark putrid room with no lights or windows, where mice had fouled the flooring. Nightmares that contain _his _face staring down at me in pure hatred for the whole dream, but it's not so bad anymore. _He _is in prison now for a long time; he can't hurt me right now.

You may be wondering what I am talking about, what is this time of my life that I dread to talk about. oh, my darling, my sweet darling; I am talking about my kidnapping.

It happened just nine months ago and I am still recovering from it, and I don't think I shall ever fully recover from it but I hope I'll get close. You were still an unborn child when this happened and I am sorry I couldn't protect you, couldn't prevent it from happening, it just makes me sick to think about what could have happened to you. What if you had died, I would never have forgiven myself?

I don't know how to explain the story of how the kidnapping came to be in a way that you would understand and I can't start from the middle, for you to truly understand I have to start from the beginning. The _very_ beginning when I met your father for the first time.

You will find out many secrets in this story but I want you to keep an open mind about it, some things just had to be the way they were for things to become the way they are today. You mustn't judge people by what you read, we have all changed mentally into the people you see, and no one has remained the same, no one. For example your father and I have changed so much since that day in the library, we didn't love each other at first but look at us now, and I couldn't bear to be away from him.

The relationship that we formed created this story and it only began about fifteen months ago in dusty old part of the library.

The truth of the matter is that not many men that go in libraries are attractive; they are all geeky nerds with computer games ruling their lives. This is what I thought I would marry into; a suitable guy that had a good reputation, squeaky clean record and good prospects for the future, I had already been preparing myself for a mundane life in Forks that would bore me to my death.

But this isn't what happened, instead fifteen months ago fate brought a man into my life that didn't have the ideal job, yet he was the one for me.

That man that fate brought into my life has given me so much happiness and joy even though he was in the mafia and I was the police chief's daughter.

_He_ should have been with someone tall and sexy and confident and strong yet he got me, _I_ should have with someone meek and short and a loser yet I got him. He will always have me just as I will always have him; we are meant for each other.

You know our story began in a library, but what you don't know is that… well you'll have to read to find out. Just read and listen to the words I speak. Listen to the story that created you and made me, me.

**A/N**

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**I hope you all enjoyed that, this is a short chapter as it the prologue not all chapters will be this long.**


	2. Road trip epiphany and a simple hello

**A/N**

**Here is chapter 1; I hope all of you reading enjoy it. Thank you to all the people who have put this story on alert and favourites. Please review and tell me what you think at the bottom.**

**Reviews make me happy and type faster so please just press the button. **

**Beta'd by chimney101 and Chromatic Simplicity.**

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Twilight, but I Do Own This Plot**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 – Road trip epiphany and a simple hello<strong>

**EPOV**

My name's Edward Cullen, no more, no less. It isn't Eddie or Ed just Edward call me anything else and I'll punch you so hard you wont remember your own name.

Sorry, I'm not normally this morose and angry but give me a break. My best friend just died, and I didn't even get to say goodbye.

One moment he's laughing next to me, the next he's lying down face up on the ground with no life in his eyes.

I don't think people spend enough time reflecting in life; it always has to be caused by a monumental event whether it be a birth, birthday, marriage or in my case, a death.

Right now on this road trip, I want some time alone to reflect on my life; to see where it's going, yet my family won't allow it.

My mother, Esme has been calling me every day since Riley's death. Why won't everyone just back off and give me some space, when that's all I ask for?

It appears time alone is too much to ask for as everyone seems to think that I am about to kill myself.

Everyone keeps telling me that it wasn't my fault. Honestly, I tried to protect him – I tried so hard – yet _they_ still managed to get a shot in, and that, according to everyone, wasn't – isn't – my fault. But He was my best friend for crying out loud; I should have managed to save him somehow.

I told him to stay behind, to let me cover him and he didn't listen.

He knew how fights over territory can get, he's fought them with me so many times he knew… and yet… he didn't listen to years of training. Now he's dead, gone forever like a ripple on lake or a balloon that's escaped a child's grasp and is now floating on the wind. We used to do everything together. We were two peas in a pod, and I don't know what I am going to do without him.

Back then, he and I used to get our girls together; he would be my wingman and I would be his. It was a win-win situation; we would always get the girls whilst enjoying the chase. When we went out together everyone would see the power that both Riley and I emitted and would clear the way for us. In fact, the boys who had their girlfriends with them would always have to hold on to their arms before they gravitated towards us.

Together we were the ultimate girl magnet, when we went to clubs everyone's eyes would be on us. Girls would flock over to dance with us and all we would have to do was take our pick.

We had never fought over a girl as neither of us really dated them and on the rare occasion that we wanted the same girl, we would either flip for her or neither of us would hit on her.

Riley may not have been a Cullen or a Masen but he was family and nothing could separate us, the brother bond between us was too strong. He would always come over to my house when we were younger and I used to wonder why.

It turned out that he came from a bad home; his father was a drunk and his mother a druggie.

Esme tried to adopt him when we were young but the social services wouldn't allow it because every time they went over to see his parents, they were always _somehow_ clean from illegal substances.

I guess they must have had someone to leak information from the social services.

I don't know why they would have bothered since they acted like they didn't want him most of the time, but it may have had something to do with the fact that they had status in the neighbourhood.

Even Esme was fooled by their public façade until she started noticing the marks on Riley's body.

We couldn't do anything back then because we all knew we would have to leave if we killed Riley's father, but as soon as Riley was old enough, he moved in with us and his father mysteriously disappeared.

That day he learned a valuable lesson - no one messes with our family.

I remember the day I met Riley for the first time, I was only 7 years old during our first encounter and because of his tiny form, nerdy glasses and long hair he was being bullied by a bunch of guys at our school. At the time, when I had taken only a quick glance at him, I thought that he was a girl, especially with all the features, so I had immediately rushed to his aid.

As a child growing in the Cullen family, I had been taught to respect and value girls so protecting one of them was my first instinct.

**Flashback**

"_Hey! Stop that! What do you think you're doing? She is just a little girl," I shouted running over from the other side of the playground during recess. "My daddy says that you should look after little girls and only start a fight for a really serious reason with someone your own size. So stop it - its mean."_

"_Why don't you mind your own business and let us do our thing, you whiny baby? How do you know this isn't over a serious situation?" The ring leader of the group, Gabriel, smirked as he walked towards me. "Are you going to tell your daddy? Waa waaaa daddy, there are mean boys at school. Waa waaaa." He smiled mockingly at me pulling a baby face__, and imitating a toddler's high-pitched voice__. I could feel my fist curl up in anticipation__ but I stopped midway as I knew he was just trying__ to get a reaction out of me, I won't give it to him, I won't. I chanted as he continued speaking. "You stupid idiot, my daddy is the head of the school here, so whatever you say about me won't matter." _

"_I don't care what you say! My daddy is going to believe even if your daddy doesn't and __then __he'll tell your mummy," I retorted._

"_You shut up or I'll beat you up"_ _the ring leader threatened, his friends backing him up with their subsequent "yeah's"._

"_I don't care what you to me but just let the little girl go - she hasn't done anything to you!" I yelled in his face._

"_You're so stupid. You can't even tell the difference between a girl and a boy. Girls have little lips and boys have willies, dumdum and that so called girl,"_ _he made quotation marks with his hands,__ " you're talking about has a willy," a freckled boy from the group called out. I felt my face fall in shock at his declaration but I tried to keep a straight face. "So we aren't doing anything to a girl just trying to get what we are owed from him. So leave because this has nothing to do with you," he finished off._

"_Don't call me stupid or tell me to shut up," I exclaimed, glaring at the boy even though I knew it was a lame comeback. "So what if it is a boy, he is still terrified of you. Why do you have to be such mean bullies?" I spat out pulling the little boy behind me. He must have been the new kid who just came in because I had never seen him before. I could hear him whimpering behind me like a lost puppy, allowing me to see how easy of a target he was for Gabriel and his entourage. _

"_Is this your boyfriend, Riley? Has he come to save you from the big bad wolves?" _

_Once again I felt my body preparing for a fight. No one spoke to me like that unless they wanted to dual with me._

"_Don't speak to me in such a rude manner. You should show me some respect or I'll punch you in the face. I am _not his boyfriend_." I said, emphasising each and every word so that he understood me. _

"_Oooh, I'm so scared!" jeered Gabriel "I'm literally quivering at the knees." All of the boys started laughing and I could feel my anger start to rise._

_Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed the teachers start to become aware of the hurdle of students that was forming around us and I could see the suspicion on their faces._

_I didn't want to get into trouble again; the last time I got called to the headmaster's office, I got grounded and all my games were taken away from me for two whole weeks. That sucked._

_Ignoring him and his stupid comments, I started to whisper in a soothing voice to the still whimpering boy - I think Gabriel called him Riley - to start walking towards the school building,_

_I took a menacing step towards Gabriel and saw him shrink in fear and take a step back. Then I turned on my heels and started walking away towards Riley who was a few steps in front of me._

"_It looks like our sweet couple is running away." _

_Ignore them. Keep walking they are not worth it. Ignore them, I chanted in my head. Don't let them get to you! You promised mum not to start a fight. Ignore them. _

"_Keep walking, Riley. They're just jerks," I reassured Riley as I saw him stumble and pause in his steps. I gave him another nudge in the back to keep walking away from Gabriel and the rest of them._

"_Looks like Eddie boy here is a chicken. Bwwaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkk bwaaaack bwaack," Gabriel mocked imitating a chicken. _

_Riley and I had just reached the edge of the crowd when he called me Eddie forcing me to turn around once more. I stared at him icily, shooting daggers from my eyes, I was about to say no one is allowed to call me that when he pushed on._

"_Our new favourite punching bag is being taken away from us, boys, and I want him back." _

_I started to catch on that if I didn't do something now, Riley was going to continue to be a victim of their bullying, and it would be even worse than it was before because I had stepped in. _

_Damn it! _

_I quickly turned back to Riley and whispered in his ear, "keep walking and go tell those teachers what is going on over here. Do you understand?" I saw him nod. "Then hurry up!" _

_As soon as I saw him heading away in the direction of the teachers, I turned back around to Gabriel and the rest of the bullies. "If you want to lay a hand on that little boy, then you're going to have go through me and I am _not_ going to allow you to keep bullying Riley," I announced bravely, knowing that I could easily beat Gabriel in a fight._

"_Boys, it looks like Riley's boyfriend, Eddie, wants to fight me," Gabriel joked making me want to shoot him in the head. If only he knew that I had been in a lot of fights and could take care of myself._

"_Don't call me Eddie! My name is Edward. E-D-W-A-R-D for your information if you can't spell properly" I retorted walking back towards the group with my hands clenched firmly into fists ready for a fight. _

"_Well, what are you going to do about it Eddie boy?" He questioned me raising an eyebrow._

"_This." And then I punched him in the nose just like my father had taught me._

"_Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" The group of children around us started chanting. "Fight! Fight! Fight!"_

"_You shouldn't have done that! Now you're going to have to pay." He charged at me like a little kitten with blood dripping like a faucet from his nose._

_He tried to punch me in the face like I did to him but I blocked him and then punched him in the guts. When he recovered from the blow he came back at me managing to kick me in the shins causing me to get angry. So I grabbed him via the head, catching him surprise and put him in a really tight headlock._

"_Don't ever try to mess with me again," I threatened quietly in his ear wanting to be heard only by him. "Do you understand?" He nodded feebly in my arms._

_It was then I saw the group of teachers heading in our direction through a gap in the crowd. The group of children that had surrounded us, chanting, started to disperse. _

"_Oh, and don't ever go near Riley again or anyone at this school who seems weak enough to bully because if you do, your face is going to need surgery," I quipped in before Ms Greenland arrived._

"_What do you think you are doing young man? Let him go this instance you horrible child" berated Ms Greenland in her awful high pitched voice. She is _so_ mean, I don't think she likes children very much, and I've never seen her smile before. She always has this __awful__ scowl on her face as she glares at you ready to shout at any little thing you've done wrong. _She is a witch_ I decided, unwrapping my arms from Gabriel's neck. _

"_Both of you follow me now to the headmaster's office; you're going to be in big trouble." I followed her, seeing Riley walk up __towards me. __I smiled at him in reassurance to tell him that I was fine._

**Flashback**

I remember that day so vividly. When I got home, I was grounded for such a long time by Esme and Emmett taunted me for getting caught. Carlisle however took me into his office and congratulated me on winning the fight. This is not a surprise to me now as I know he would have been disappointed if his son, who had been trained since childhood, couldn't beat a simpleton in a fight. But back then I was so confused.

Wasn't this the man who had told me not to start fights - that they were bad?

I kind of get it now that when he was talking about 'fights', he wasn't talking about simple brawls in the playground or in the dark corners of a pub he was talking about mafia fights.

They can change your life forever; I haven't always known that dad was in the mafia, I had only been told when I was 11. That day I felt so hurt and disappointed that my family had kept a secret from me all my life, I had wanted to run away. I was already packing my bags getting ready to leave when mum came into my room.

She told me how much she loved me and that they didn't tell me about dad being in the mafia because they wanted me to live a normal life for as long as I could. She said that when I was a young child, she and dad had agreed to tell me at the age of eleven, she insisted that she never wanted to tell me.

I understand now, I understand why she didn't want to tell me. Was the truth really worth knowing if it meant the death of friends and family?

I was so stupid that day feeling betrayed by my father whom I had thought was only therapist; I had questioned why they would keep such important news from me. That my boring father who loved to talk about his job way too much, was in fact a man that owned guns and shot people.

It broke my heart.

I didn't speak to my father for about a week, a week that was full of frosty glares and meaningful silences at the dinner table.

We eventually started talking again when Emmett cornered me after dinner one day deciding that enough was enough and that he was the only one in the house to solve the issue. He complained that his food time was being disrupted for a stupid reason and that if I did not get off my high seat to apologise and forgive dad then he would be forced to do something he may or may not regret - beat me black and blue.

My brother is such a jerk sometimes. Speaking of Emmett, I should be hearing from him soon to fill me in on what's going on.

Ah! Speak of the devil I thought as my phone started vibrating.

"Hey Em."

"How did you know it was me?" he asked.

I chuckled at his stupidity. It amazed me sometimes how stupid he could get. I mean, how is someone with a head that big so… so moronic?

"It's called caller ID you harebrained buffoon. Ever heard of it?" I questioned him looking out the window of my car at the rain curious to hear his answer.

"Oh yeah! I forgot about that. Anyway how are you man? This must be really tough on you since you and Riley have been the best of friends ever since that day you saved his skinny arse and he started following you around." As soon as Emmett spoke those words my mood deflated again.

How could I feel such joy when speaking to my brother when I had just lost another?

How could I be enjoying myself when my best friend had just been murdered in front of my eyes?

_How dare I?_

"It's hard man. Even right now I feel guilty for being happy to hear from you. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this pain in my chest whenever I think of him. I loved him so much as a brother, we did everything together, you know?" I mumbled into the phone feeling a wave of despair hit me causing tears to form at the corners of my eyes, I feel like such a sap right now. "I miss him so badly, Em. At this moment in the car it feels so lonely without him talking non-stop, making my ears bleed. I mean, I know I have you and Alice still but it's just not the same" my eyes had clouded over and began to leak those traitorous tears and there was a lump at the back of my throat that I haven't felt in such a long time.

When was the last time I had cried?

"Edward, I know nothing that I say right now can ease the pain over a lost brother and close friend so I hope that on this road trip that you're on right now that you find your peace with his loss and that it gives you a chance to clear your mind" Emmett said comforting me with his soothing tone. I could hear the sadness in his voice; he had lost a brother too.

"Gosh! I'm being selfish aren't I? You've lost a friend too, along with Alice. And mum and dad must feel as though they have lost one of their sons since they were close to him too," I moaned through the phone receiver, wiping my tears away angrily.

"Edward, stop talking like that. We all lost someone close to us, however he was your best friend and you have a right to feel this way and behave in this manner," Emmett consoled me and although it was something he did rarely due to his teddy bear character, he was doing a great job.

"Yeah, I guess. We've all had some good times together haven't we?" I agreed with a lighter tone of voice and the lump in my throat lessening.

"Yes, we did. Riley would always manage to put a smile on all of our faces with just one silly expression. It was a gift he had… Edward, I know what I am about to say must be difficult to hear but you're going to need to get your head together soon, Riley would never have wanted you to mourn over him for the rest of your life. He would have wanted you to remember the good times and move on. He took that bullet to save your life knowing it would result in his death, so you are going to have to start living your life enough for the both of you." I knew he was taking about the fact that Riley had run without cover for me and dove to take that bullet that was aimed to end my life voluntarily.

At the time amidst all of those flying bullets, I hadn't seen the one aimed at me but he had and he chose to end his life over it. He had saved my life at the cost of his own.

Why? It was a question that I've asked myself for two days since he's been gone. I hadn't gotten a reply yet. He could have done so much with his life.

_Why?_

"I know Emmett but it's not that easy. He was like another brother and losing him isn't something I think I will get over anytime soon. It's just so hard… I wouldn't … I don't know where to begin"

"How about we start by changing the subject to a lighter topic? Mum is seriously worried about you, just so you know." I knew she must have been since I had been screening her calls for the entire time I've been on the road; I didn't want to hear the pity in her voice. "Dad's worried too you know, he's currently pulling out his hair and all his patients think _he_ is the one going mad. Everyone at home feels like they're going mad right now and the tension in the house isn't helping. We all feel as though there is somebody missing. Mum keeps walking into Riley's room and just sits on the bed crying. When are you coming home, bro? We all miss you. Don't make mum feel as though she ahs lost another son." I could hear the unease in his voice along with sadness; it seemed to reach across from the phone and imprint, on my heart making it heavier with pain and this time it didn't even belong to me.

Couldn't I do anything right? My family is falling apart and my best friend is dead because of me.

"I know and I'm so sorry, I'm on my way to Seattle right now in the car. I miss you guys too and sleeping in the back of this car hasn't done anything good for my spine. Tell everyone that I'll be home soon, just give me a few days so I can rest properly, I'll most likely stop at a small town to rejuvenate. Who knows what might happen? Maybe I'll meet a nice girl or get laid." I joked weakly, though a part of me was deadly serious and hoped this came true because I haven't gotten laid in some time and I feel as though I'm about to explode. It's due to all the stress that occurred before the fight that I haven't had a girl.

"Okay, see you soon. Oh and just so you know you just missed Alice in Seattle. She just left."

I knew Alice had been there for about a week, running a fashion workshop at one of the colleges whilst the rest of us were fighting since none of us wanted her to get hurt. It wasn't unfortunate however, because I knew she would have tried to track me down to talk to me.

"Oh that's a shame," I lied. "I'll call you later so you can update me on the mafia situation since we haven't had a chance to talk about it properly. Goodbye." I spoke with a heaviness that represented the weight that the conversation had put on my shoulders.

"Okay, bye," and with that he cut off the phone, leaving me alone with the silence.

It was what I had wanted for this trip so why is it that when I said goodbye just now I felt so utterly and completely alone?

The silence was becoming louder. It seemed to creep into the car, swiftly from the dark forest that surrounded me and leave behind the feeling of melancholia and heartache.

It reminds me of the same feeling I get when I remember the way my mother left me.

I know it's irrational to be thinking like this but I can't seem to help it. Riley's death has truly messed with my head and left this constant pain in my chest.

Unlike Riley, however, I barely knew my mother, the biological one that is. She abandoned me when I was only four years old, leaving me outside Carlisle's workplace with only a thin sheet wrapped around me, jean trousers and a note. All I know about Elizabeth is that she was a prostitute, nothing more, but at the same time I don't want to know any more about her, Esme is my mother, she is the one that has brought me up into the man I am today.

Dad says that Elizabeth was only what she was due to circumstances but I don't care - she could have done something more with her life. Why didn't she go back to school and get a good education?

Why am I thinking about her? I don't care about her!

She abandoned me, not the other way around, if she ever wants to see me then she can come look for me but I'm not going to go searching any longer.

I'm done!

I'm not going to question anymore about whether she is alive or if she has ever tried to look for me before.

I want to only remember the people that have done good things towards me in my life, the ones that have stuck around to watch me grow, like Mrs Nettles has.

I will forever be grateful towards her for hearing my cries and bringing me in since it was a cold winter's day and freezing cold.

Dad says that if she hadn't brought me in that moment that she did my pneumonia would have been so bad that there would have been a higher risk of me dying.

She was my father's secretary back then and I used to see her all the time when Esme brought me over to the therapy office but now she is retired and I rarely see her anymore. That day when she brought me in, I was close to death and my lips were blue. Dad was shocked to see a child in his office but he says that as soon as he looked into my eyes he knew who I was and who I belonged to.

I don't remember that day or anything previously before that age but one of the first memories I have is of Carlisle leaning forward to welcome me into a hug. It's one of the happiest ones I have; it's the first moment I know where I belonged somewhere.

I was warm again whereas a few minutes earlier, I was out in the cold confused and all alone, searching for a woman that was long gone.

Whenever I think back to that day, I am reminded that there are second chances in life. Maybe that's what my mother tried to give me- a second chance.

If it was then, she'll be happy to know she succeeded, I don't know what kind of life I would have lived if I was still with her but I was sure that I wouldn't be alive right now.

We probably would have been kicked out onto the streets for one reason or another and I wouldn't have survived.

It gives me hope to think that she may have left to give me a second chance, maybe one day I'll find out what happened to her and understand her story because no matter how much I deny it, I want to know what would have driven her to abandon me.

It hurts to think that she could have left me out there with no regrets but it is a comforting feeling when I think that she did it for me, she left me to give me a better chance at life than she could have had because she loved me not because she didn't want me.

I still feel the pain of rejection sometimes but I have always had someone around me to comfort and tell me how much they love me, but right now driving this car… there is no one else, just me.

I have been constantly surrounded by people during my lifetime, yet somehow, I still managed to feel lonely. I would sort of daze out occasionally and feel as though I wasn't the one living my life, foreign in my own body and I was just an outcast sitting on the sidelines watching the others live their lives.

What's so special about me? Why is it that everyone who loves me leaves one way or another?

The world would be a much happier place if people didn't leave their loved ones behind whether it's for their own good or not because that person left behind will feel lonely and unwanted. They will feel like they were just thrust to the side like an object or like they weren't taken into account. That's how I feel.

My mother left to protect me, Riley left me while saving me. They both left to give me life, yet all I want is to have the both of them in my life.

I want to see Riley's face again smiling and laughing at one of his own stupid jokes. I want to see my mother so I could know her face and she could tell me that she loved me.

All of these things I want, yet I will never get them because the people I wanted it with left for my own good. I just want to go back to the simple times; I miss those days where the hardest thing Riley and I had to do was pick up money owed to my father.

Being in the mafia is hard, it changes you so much and you can tell by the imprint that is has left on my family and other families like my own. I knew growing up that Carlisle was in the mafia because he and Esme had told Alice, Emmett and I already, but knowing it and living it are two completely different things.

I don't know when the transition began from being a normal teenage boy with normal aspirations to being a boy that wanted to beat up anyone that got in his way to get what he wants.

I think it began in school after Riley and I had completely solidified our friendship. He had begun to notice a change in me and even though he hadn't known anything about the mafia he tried to do something about it to get back the sweet boy that had protected him during his childhood.

He failed.

Despite his failure by confronting me about my attitude change two weeks later I told him everything about the mafia, from how my ancestors had come over from Ireland to our rival family in Volterra called the Volturi.

They were the family that feared us yet wanted our territory in Chicago. The Volturi are based in Italy but because most of the European mafias have been caught and eradicated by each other and the police, they are going to need a new base.

The Cullen and Volturi families have been fighting each other for almost two decades now. I don't know why, no one from my generation does but I do know that it must have been really bad because before the 'incident', which is what it has been named by the mafia, the Volturi, Cullen and Masen family were civil to each other.

Not like now, when a Volturi person spots someone from the Masen / Cullen family and decides to shoot. I think that the root of the 'incident' began when Aro became the head of the Volturi. Nowadays the Cullen and Masen family stick together for the sole purpose of destroying the Volturi, despite the fact that there is only one Masen left.

The reason that there is only one Masen left is because they were all eradicated and murdered. Why? Once again no one really knows because everyone from the previous generations refuses to talk about it. However bad the 'incident' was though, one good thing came out of it and that was Grandpa Masen.

He may not be biologically related to me but he is the best grandpa ever, I was lucky to have him no one could ever wish for anyone better.

Just like Alice and Emmett are the best siblings, just like Carlisle and Esme are the best parent's I could ever wish for.

Alice may be annoying, a shopaholic and not related to me by blood but she is still alive, living and on this Earth and I have the responsibility to make sure that still stands.

I may have lost Riley but I still have people to protect and take care of. They are my responsibility and I have to keep them safe for as long as I have the power.

The same goes for Esme, she may not be my biological mother and she may appear to be an overprotective snob who cares about public appearances and such but she only does it to protect her children. She was a mama bear and she felt as though these are the roles she must take on to give her children the best life that we could have despite our criminal behaviour and I still have to protect her, for both Riley and I.

This is the way that I can make up Riley's death and not allow it to go in vain. I will not only save myself but the people that we both love as well.

I realise now that although there may not be much blood relation in the Masen / Cullen family, since Alice and Emmett are adopted and I was only related to Carlisle, we were all a family and we have to be there for each other.

This sudden realisation was an epiphany and as soon as I had reached it I knew that Emmett was right for once and that I had to start living again.

I can't spend the rest of my days on this earth mourning someone that would want me to live, I have to protect my family and all my loved ones so I don't lose them.

As these life changing thoughts ran through my mind, I noticed a sign outside my window that read 'Welcome to Fork's'.

I took this as a sign that this was the final stage of my journey. I would rest for a few days to get rid of all the exhaustion that had built up in my body and relax away all the stress as well as the stiff muscles that had occurred while driving, sleeping, eating and living in the car.

Driving further into the town I grasped just how small it was. It had nothing but forest surrounding it completely devouring it and it seemed like half the town was still asleep.

If I hadn't seen the sign I might have just driven straight through without noticing I was passing an entire town around me.

After driving for about ten minutes I reached what looked to be the town centre consisting of a few takeaways, a diner and other amenities. There were a few more people walking around here which was good sign that there may be hidden treasures lurking around that could do something with the free time I would soon have on my hands.

I wasn't hopeful though since I knew through experience that first time impressions of towns usually stuck.

In the near distance I spotted a cute little bed and breakfast, I guess that's where I'll be sleeping for the next few days. Pulling up to the place I saw how there were only about four others cars in their parking lot making me guess that this town didn't get very many tourists unless they were just passing through, like me.

Walking up to the front doors that were shedding their paints from 20 years ago secured my decision to stay a few days, there was just something in that moment that made me feel as though this was where I was supposed to be at that point in time, that I was on the right track. I would head to Seattle in a few and take a plane to Chicago to meet my family.

When I opened the door and reached the reception I asked to stay at the B&B for three days and the young lady there just gave me the key, no questions asked. As she led me to the room that would be my home for the next three days, I observed the extra twist that she was adding to her hips.

I didn't mind since I haven't been laid in so long, so having something to look at was good bonus however I felt as though I would soon explode from all the tension building in my body.

She looked like she would be an easy enough target with her bright bleached blonde hair, pushed up breast bulging out of her top and tiny mini skirt.

Who would wear such revealing clothes in such a cold state?

She looked like one of those small town girls that wanted to sink her claws into a guy in an expensive suit and have his baby or just sleep with him for a night so that she can gossip to her friends about it later on. Oh well, I shrugged internally.

"What's your name sweetheart?" I asked in a suave tone that I knew that women liked "I'm going to need someone to call on whenever I need help with something" I smiled crookedly and stared into her eyes as she stopped walking and turned around. We must have been at my door.

"My name's Leah" she replied in a flirty voice. "And you can call one me if you need help with anything at all. No matter how small or big." She said in a suggestive tone making me realise that she may be slightly too easy.

I don't want to catch any disease on this journey, so she was a no-no.

"That's good. Thanks so much for helping me to my room, you're such a darling." Then I handed her a fifty dollar note from my back pocket, winked and took my room key out of her hands. She took the money looking flustered and rushed off back in the direction of the reception, I knew it must have had something to do with the fact that she may have never seen a bill that big before in her life, or my charms.

Stepping into my room, I knew that I wouldn't be able to spend much time in there because of its lack of space and the way claustrophobia quickly rushed over me.

I headed out again without a second glance at Leah, who seemed to still be hyperventilating, and into my car.

I decided that a drive around town would do me well, despite being stuck in it for the last couple of days, so that I could get familiar with my surroundings.

As I drove around, I noticed that Forks had a library and since I was going to need to entertain myself for the next three days I parked the car and went in.

Taking a glance in the opposite direction, I sighed and realised then that I could have just left the car at the Bed and Breakfast since everything was within walking distance of each other.

I walked into the library which looked so old with its loose bricks, cracked windows, and vines growing up the walls that I pondered the fact of how it was still standing.

Looking around, I noticed that first impressions were deceiving for even though it looked battered and run down outside, inside it looked beautiful, like a lost piece of architecture hidden in the deepest corners of the Earth.

Riley would have truly appreciated this place for he was a keen reader and loved architecture.

I could see on their shelves that their books were both new and old. Although I have never liked libraries because of their stuffy nature and strict rules, I could tell this library would keep bringing me back day after day until I have to leave.

It was a truly amazing place to be and wonderful piece of architecture I thought spotting an empty table in the back corner I went towards it and sat down. There was not a large amount of people in the library and it was fairly quiet but right now I want a place to just sit and think without anyone to disturb me.

I must have started daydreaming or something because I was pulled back to Earth when a sweet melodic voice spoke to me.

"Hello sir," she said politely. "Are you alright? Do you need any help with anything?" When my eyes adjusted to the change of light they were focused on an angel. I am not the kind of man to get sappy over a girl, hell I barely spend twelve hours with the same girl but this one looked amazingly beautiful - _perfection_.

"Hi," I answered back quickly, not wanting to look like an idiot in front of her.

Who was this girl that made my heart turn to mush and make it pound?

Was she the girl I am meant to be with?

My eyes roamed all over her delicate features, from her ridiculously pale skin to her pierced earlobes, which was rather endearing. Her luscious, silky dark chestnut hair glinted in the dusty sunbeam. She had a cute little button nose and high cheekbones. And her eyes – her sharp, piercing, chocolate-coloured irises – they stared into my soul, mocking me, teasing me. Although her plump, rosy pink lips showed little emotion, her eyes expressed for her instead. They danced with slight amusement, a trace of confusion, and her gaze was intensifying.

"Hey! I know the library is boring to some people but day dreaming isn't allowed in here. You have to be reading or working," she retorted with laughter.

Ignoring her smart mouth comment, I cleared my throat with a cough and I repeated myself again and our eyes met as I held my hand in preparation to shake her small delicate looking ones. "Hi, my name's Edward Cullen, not Ed, not Eddie just Edward, plain and simple. It's a pleasure to meet you."

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><p><strong>AN **

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